
Thing is, I know no man can resist putting his hands all over me, but you can't even use the excuse that you were drunk (and if you were, I hope you get fired), and no one hits on a security guard expecting (or wanting) to get laid. To further augment your douchebaggery, you proceeded to give my friends a hard time after I left (for reasons that cannot be disclosed without full security clearance), knowing by then that I would not be going back to your one bedroom "efficiency" slum-hole somewhere in the armpit of Vegas. Do everyone a favor and quit pretending like your job gives you any authority or social clout.
Thanks!
Trbobitch
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Dear Drunk Girls in Skimpy Dresses,
You got nothin' on me ;-) (But please continue to make me look even hotter by comparison)
Love,
Trbobitch
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Dear Swimsuit Manufacturers,

Sincerely,
Trbobitch
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Dear Voice,
Ok, this was funny for a minute, especially when I sounded like a phone sex operator. It's not funny any more. I can't yell at my kids, I can't talk on the phone, I can't sing in the shower and I can't tell myself how awesome I am when I look in the mirror. Come back. Please?
Missing you,
Trbobitch
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Dear Brain,
Stop getting fantastically bright and insanely labor intensive ideas. I know we could go far if we stuck to just one, but all this jumping around is leaving projects half-finished. I would appreciate if you didn't get any more "great ideas" until I finish the 200 things on your list.
Yours in genius,
Trbobitch
Dear Trbobitch,
ReplyDeleteI subscribe to A Word A Day (AWAD). One of the words of the day for November 2009 was "lentiginous." This led to a brief email correspondence with the mother of two redhaired young girls who, for some ungodly reason, deemed their freckles flaws. You can read that exchange here:
http://tonypivetta.blogspot.com/search/label/Lentiginous
As you can see, my central nervous system has organized sensory-sensual space-time data in such a way as to conclude redheads are disproportionately represented among the ranks of the "stacked." I don't know how much of the red in your hair is actually your own; to be sure, your complexion doesn't strike me as particularly lentiginous. Nevertheless, I find the fact you have trouble finding bathing suits that cover your boobs thrilling and delightful.
~Tony, your married, middle-aged, happy-he-has-a-full-head-of-hair correspondent
P.S. We have beautiful beaches in Michigan
Hilarious!!! I totally subscribed!
ReplyDelete