Trbobitch's Personal Ad

Self-medicated, slightly psychotic Truther chick seeks semi-attractive conspiracy theorist (preferably bald) male companion to drop info-bombs in the moonlight. Likes long walks on the beach and bullhorning the White House. Must have an affinity for Pirates and cheesy documentaries with ominous music. Alcoholics are welcome and ability to drink with me is required. Must carry a gun (I make a lot of people angry). He must own a megaphone and have at least 2 conspiracy related bumper stickers on his car (beaters are acceptable). Tattoos and wearing a Gadsden Flag as a cape are desirable but not required. Must know more than 10 sexual positions. I have cats, lots of them, one is possessed, if this scares you, stop reading now. Corset fetish, love of mexican food, and owning a large, battle-grade sword are all bonuses. Must be willing to wear a kilt. Must shower regularly and wear deodorant. Must not only like, but understand British humour and South Park. Alex Jones worshipers need not apply. NO GINGERS! No Reptilians, Neo-cons, or comb-overs, please. If you like Glenn Beck, go fuck yourself. Must be willing to deal with the fact that if David Draiman asks me out, I am going, and I may not come back.


Must not be offended by extreme profanity.

8 comments:

  1. omg, we are twins separated at birth. about 30 years apart, but minor detail. i would love for you to run off with charlie veitch. i would, but my uptight husband won't let me date. glad to know you, trbobitch.

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  2. I still want you.

    Chuffnut

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  3. Dear Chuffnut,

    Please take a number and get in line.

    Sincerely,
    Trbobitch

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  4. hmmm...no pointy boots?

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  5. I am so over the pointy boots.

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  6. That is the best personal ad I have ever read. I think I'm going to send it to my ex-wife.

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  7. Damn, I resemble this ad. Well, except for the bald part. You wouldn't happen to like Farscape would you?

    Staying anonymous to protect the totally guilty...

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