A real conversation I had with my non-state-sanctioned husband over Gtalk at work today** (yes, I am muddslider, don’t judge):
muddslider: I know right AND she's not mild to moderately retarded either
your god loves me
penishead: my GOD loves everyone
thats why he amde us
muddslider: um, have you SEEN carrot top?
if we were all cool no one would know the difference***
muddslider: oh yeah, god loves the people of walmart
penishead: they are probably so much happier than we are
muddslider: or maybe he loves me so much that he tortures others for my amusement
that is actually a pretty awesome god
penishead: you are a twisted twisted person
muddslider: you're just now figuring that out?
penishead: no i knew it
i just need to point it out to you
maybe you will mend your ways
muddslider: hahaha dreamer
penishead: Adam still loved Eve so I guess im ok
muddslider: even if you have to wear a fig leaf now
and all of our children will have to have sex with each other to populate the Earth
muddslider: but at least WE'RE not inbreds, right?
penishead: thats why we are so fucked up
no wonder we cant create a Utopia we're the people from WalMart
penishead: and its all eves fault. cunning woman
muddslider: No, I'm pretty sure it's god's fault for letting Satan put the apple there
GOD put the apple there
just to be a manipulative bastard
"oh here, look at these yummy apples, but don't touch them"
penishead: the apple is a metaphor for the woman having sex with satan
what kind of Freudian bible school did you got to?
penishead: its enoch
muddslider: yes I read that, WTF is an enoch, sounds like something from starwars
penishead: he was eliminated by King James and the niceans from the bible
muddslider: little midget people with plasma guns
penishead: The Book of Enoch
muddslider: "Oh no, here come the Enoch! Cover your crotches!"
muddslider: this is so going on the blog
penishead: just stop
muddslider: being funny? I can't
that's like asking me to stop breathing or stop painting my nails
penishead: my name is never to show up in your Blog ever
muddslider: you have an alias, you know that
Well, you have several now
but for this one, I will call you penishead
** This was totally a work-related conversation as "penishead" is my unpaid adviser and source of inspiration.
*** I didn't bother pointing out to him that if we were indeed "all cool" then no one would know the difference; ergo, no one would ever get made fun of. Why bother having a serious philosophical conversation when it can degrade into making fun of the lost books of the bible?