I drug myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 5:00am, a time I rarely see unless it's in a drunken stupor following an all-nighter (preferably with my legs thrown over the shoulders of a HBG). I couldn't leave until 7:00 and I had to drive North first to grab my first passenger. We then stopped in the uh, quaint little village of Morgantown, WV to pick up another lovely lady. About 2 hours into the trip a fascist swine in the beautiful state of Maryland decided to harass me for harming no one. The official charge is "Exceeding maximum speed: 100 MPH in a posted 65 MPH zone". They are extorting $290 from me, presumably to pay for donuts and coffee. I was simply doing my patriotic duty in an attempt to make it into DC in time for the festivities which were to begin at 12:00 sharp.
My original plan was to make the 2 hour drive down to Maryland to fight the ticket, this would require me to take a day off of work (that I could otherwise take and spend doing productive things like sunning myself and getting drunk) and spend another $50 in gas (more donut taxes). My fear was that I would end up with 4 points on my driver's license (and how awful would it be if I couldn't drive???). However, after speaking with my insurance agent today, and sharing stories of getting pulled over for speeding, I was informed that out of state tickets do not put points on my license and they do not make my insurance go up. That being said, I would still normally fight the ticket, but the added hassle and expense of taking an entire day off, finding a babysitter and driving down there to probably lose the case anyway (and probably piss of the judge and the fascist swine and get thrown in jail in bum fuck Maryland) has made me determine that the best thing for me to do is pay the ticket.
Friends suggested that I start a chip in to get help with this. It's not normally something I would do (my awesomeness prevents me from asking for help, even when I need it), but I have to pay this ticket in 30 days or face a warrant for my arrest and suspension of my license. This is where you come in, fellow cohort in World Domination: if all of my friends can chip in even $1, I'll be saved from rotting in a cell with a metal toilet and urine stained cot, getting molested by toothless lesbian convicts.